In which the author finds ways to make life hell for Literature students in the year 2602

Oh my, I'm living in the happy little hell of essay-deadline times. Having pulled an all-nighter last night to get one essay done and handed in on time, I've not slept in, I'm guesstimating, about 34 hours, so expect even more insane drivel this evening than usual. On the other hand, one and all can rest assured that I have clearly handed in a piece of brilliantly insightful writing on Chaucer's dream vision landscapes that will no doubt enthrall and entertain generations to come - oh those lucky, lucky people! ...good lord I need to sleep.

So what wonderfully fascinating and deep contemplations have I got for you all today? Well, I shall keep you in suspense no longer! Charlie and I, whilst journeying out on the food shopping mission of a lifetime, came up with a wonderful, wonderful idea. (Yes, 'wonderful' is my word of the day today it seems!) What this generation needs, what would be simply thrilling to put together as a legacy for future generations: Classic Literature Porn. The whole idea was brought about by my horrific discovery that Rule 34 is NOT always true. There is no Middlemarch porn on the world wide web. Charlie and I believe this is simply unacceptable, and thus we began our plan to fix this.
We call it....

FIDDLEMARCH!!!

 Clearly, as all know, Mr Casaubon is the obvious male lead, being easily the sexiest male character in Middlemarch. (Oh, and for those who wish to announce their undying love of everything Casaubon to the world, I bring you the facebook group: Mr Casaubon: Sex Symbol Extraordinaire. You're welcome.) Being such a pervasively erotic man, we felt that any change of his name would merely overpower anyone who tried to read it with uncontrollable lust, and they would be quite unable to finish the book. Thus, we decided to retain his name as it is.
Currently we have several possible porn pseudonyms lined up for the other main characters, but all suggestions are welcome!

But, we thought, why should it end there? Why not, while we're at it, corrupt other beloved (and hated) classics too? The story concepts we have running so far are:

Sensuality and Sensitivity

(Sense and Sensibility)

Hard Times 

(oh Dickens, your titles don't even have to be changed. Even your name works!)

Man-feel Park 

(Mansfield Park)

Enema 

(Emma)

  

A Tale of Two Titties 

(A Tale of Two Cities... I'm sure this has already been done!!)

There are many more to be thought of I'm sure, but that's what we have so far. However, it has been decided that this collection of works will be too much for this century to take in and understand it for the work of genius it is, so our plan is, once these have been written and collated, to put them in a time capsule and bury it. This way people in the far distant future, say in the year 2602, will come across it whilst preparing the foundations for a hover-car manufacturing plant, and will believe they have uncovered vital work by forgotten geniuses, perhaps beloved in their time, and these set of works will be worthy of intense study and debate, just as Lady Chatterley is now in English Literature.

Ladies and Gentleman, we have a dream. A dream that one day our sordid and geeky porn will be force-fed to the victimised students of Ancient Literature in the University of Mars. Who here has the heart to deny us this plan??

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One last traumatising thing!

You thought it was all over didn't you! Well I have one last horrifying surprise to give you all. A word to the wise, ALWAYS beware when searching for sources for Chaucer essays, because if you google 'Priapus', you will find this little gem of a traumatising experience (Really, really NSFW). Needless to say, it wasn't quite what I was looking for, but at least I did manage to resist the sore temptation to reference it in my essay in the hope the marker would check the address out of interest! 

The most terrifying part about it, I think, are the contact details for the "Rev.", and the worryingly long list of cities where there are apparently "temples". On the positive side, EVERY LINE is intensely quoteable.

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Random Fact of the Day: Cats sleep 16 to 18 hours per day. ...I think I may be a cat.

Random Image of the Day: