In which the author considers the 10 t-shirts her life needs

I like a lot of stuff... trouble is I just can't afford it. Instead, I'll post it on here and you can imagine I wear these... :P


1. The Birthday t-shirt

I like this t-shirt. It casually says "Yes, I am 21. This means I can drink pretty much everywhere. Serve me alcohol now." Buy it here (preferably for me).

2. The "I like funny comedy, not this Ricky Gervais shit" t-shirt

'Oh Lord bless this, Thy hand grenade, that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy.' 

This is very much an all-round t-shirt I feel. Suitable for casual gatherings, lazy days, working at the MA in Medieval Literature, or just sleeping in. Availiable heeeeeeeeeeere.


3. The Star Trek convention / geek gatherings t-shirt

This t-shirt amuses me. Mostly because it puts to voice the sentiments I had towards Wesley Crusher through most of my favourite Star Trek generation. Aggrivation for Crusher fans here.


4. The proper Star Trek fan / feeling suicidal t-shirt

The red Star Trek shirts have always been my favourite colour. Unfortunately they're also notorious as being the colour shirt of pretty much EVERY character that dies on away missions. My irrational need to own one of these t-shirts overrides this risk. Tempt fate here.


5. The snobbish yet cool t-shirt

For all you uneducated heathens, Cogito ergo nom translates roughly to 'I think, therefore I nom'. I think this is an essential item of clothing for any scholar. Plus it has a cat on it. Purchase it here.


6. The ironically commenting on the commercialization and objectification upon modern man t-shirt

I like an interesting read. If it's on a t-shirt it just gives people an excuse to stare at eachother's chests. Another plus - it's somewhat witty :) Get heeeeeeeeeeeere.


7. The opening the door early in the morning / had to rush to get dressed t-shirt

I want this t-shirt pretty much because my housemates always seem to knock on my door in the morning when I'm still dressing (not really surprising considering how much time I like to spend messing around before I put on clothes) - I'd love to throw on this t-shirt before I open the door. :P Here. x
  


8. The strategically-chosen-to-irritate-the-brother t-shirt

My brother's doing a degree in Physics. I'm doing a degree in English Literature. Need I say more? Irritate the scientists here.


9. The plane trip t-shirt

I like a nice cheerful t-shirt. Optimism is what's needed when undertaking a long journey, plus I like the idea I'm possibly cheering up nervous flyers :P  Irritate people with your optimism here.


10. The much-needed reminder t-shirt

Sometimes you just need a reminder, no? Ideal for meetings with supervisors, bosses, and psycho-analysts. Plus it has a cute kitty. Buy one for me here.

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Random Fact of the Day: 1 in 5000 north Atlantic lobsters are born bright blue.

Random Image of the Day:

In which the author writes a letter to her Future Self

Lent's been going OK... mostly. I've stuck to the no lolcats rule, and was doing well with the half-hour exercise rule until yesterday - I haven't done any exercise today either. Hopefully I'll turn this around tomorrow. The good deeds are actually hard to do when you haven't got much spare time! I vacuumed my housemate's room for him, and I'm going to clean the shower and cook something for the housemates, but it's just finding the time!!!

Anyway, I decided for today's post to write a letter to my future self - a post to rediscover when I'm ridiculously old, y'know, like, 27 or something. :P

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Dear Future Self,

I kinda see you as a separate person, so I'm going to address you as 'you'. I can't really imagine being older than 26 at the moment, but then I didn't use to be able to imagine myself as older than 21, so there we go. First of all, I really hope you aren't boring... I don't ever want to become someone that doesn't at the very least occasionally dance insanely around in their underwear. Also, I really hope that you haven't, settled for less than you want - remember when we were younger? I was obsessed by the idea that I'd die before I'd manage to do certain things, so I rushed them? Guess what, I had time after all, and so do you. You have time to wait and you don't always need to rush. Unless you're like 60 by the time you read this, in which case GO AND DO SOMETHING NUTTY NOW BEFORE YOU'RE ON A ZIMMER FRAME!

OMG remember when I wrote a blog? And wrote things like 'OMG'? Wow, that was some embarrasing shit huh? I'm perfectly aware I'm probably going to cringe over this blog when I'm older, but for now I just don't care - live for now, everyone cringes over things they did in the past... just be sure you can say that at least you had fun doing it.

The friends I have now are awesome. If you've lost contact with any of them (twit), then write them a letter now. Just say hi, ask how they've been, say what you've been doing. They're awesome friends and you should never have let them drift away. Wow, I wonder what they're going to end up doing...

What did you do your PhD on in the end? Was it symbolism or did you find something else to be fascinated with by then? If you have had kids please say you didn't name them something annoying. I can totally see myself doing that. At least check all names for rhymes and initials first. Also, are you living somewhere cool? I hope you're living somewhere cool. With a bit of money for the occasional shopping trip or spontaneous pint? I hope you've had the chance to travel some more. Don't forget you wanted to travel to Venice, Rome, Germany, Paris again, Russia, Japan... loads of places.Don't not go because you couldn't be bothered to organise it. You'll regret it later! If you did go somewhere, did you have a summer romance? I'd love to have a summer fling...

Did you ever get that tattoo? I still don't know if I'm going to get it or not. I'd like to. Also, I wonder if I've got got any more grey hairs yet. I have 3 currently. They're called 'Essays', 'Exams' and 'Boys'. Do you have to dye your hair now to hide them? I always hoped I'd get a cool streak of silver... I suspect now though that I'm just going to have random hairs of white.

Guess I'll find out soon.

Love, Past Self xx

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Random Fact of the Day: Stressed is desserts spelled backwards. This fact is also my new motto.

Random Image of the Day:

Err... what?!

In which the author re-writes The Phantom of the Opera

Still waiting for time enough to write my sensible post. In the meantime have some smut. 'Think of Me' from Phantom of the Opera, rewritten to 'Finger Me' (©Psycho Bambi 2011) ... It's a moving tale of regrets and redemption. Oh, and it's REALLY not clean. Warning now, NOT suitable for underage viewers. This is what happens when I have work I should be doing.

Here's the tune to sing it by... (starts at 0:42)

And the words:

Finger me, finger me fondly
When we say goodbye.
Wank with me, once in a while,
Please promise me you'll try.
I never said your cock was big enough
Or thick enough to pleasure me...
If you ever find a moment, touch yourself for me.

We never said I'd get down on my knees,
Or that I would waver the fee,
But if you can still remember, stop and finger me.
Wank to all the things we've shared and seen;
Don't think about the sex that might have been.

Finger me, whilst I am waiting
Silent and resigned.
Imagine me, finding you hard,
You teased and how I pined!
Recall those days, look back on all those times,
Think of the men I'm going to screw!
Yet they'll never be a day
When I won't wank to you!

Can it be? Is that a butt plug? BRAVO!
What a change, you're really not a bit
The frigid bitch that once you were,
She may still not like my cock,
But I still wank to her.

I never said your cock was big enough
Or thick enough to pleasure me,
But please promise me that sometimes you will touch... (ahs ... ahhhhhhhh!) THEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!!!

Dude, from the look of it you seriously need to address your kissing technique.

*Cue standing ovation.*


I really should resist the urge to procrastinate. Also the pancakes yesterday were awesome. We made a lime flavoured one.

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Random Fact of the Day: A lion's roar can be heard from 5 miles away. Christine Daae's orgasm can be heard from 6 miles.

Random Image of the Day:

In which the author devotes a post to pancakes and promises

IT'S PANCAKE DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! ...ahem, well today was going to be the day I did a sensible post about equality (no, I'm not joking...), but then I decided that I probably need more time than I can afford tonight as I have to get up tomorrow for uni, and decided instead upon a quick post to celebrate a day that had almost passed me by!

So, perhaps a quick summary of the day? Just to make this post seem less last-minute? Wikipedia will show us the way... after all it is never wrong.

The word shrove is the past participle of the English verb to shrive, which means to obtain absolution for one's sins by way of confession and doing penance. Shrove Tuesday was the last day before the beginning of Lent on Ash Wednesday, and noted in histories dating back to 1000 AD. In the United Kingdom and many other countries, the day is often known as Pancake Day. Making and eating such foods was considered a last feast with ingredients such as sugar, fat and eggs, whose consumption was traditionally restricted during the ritual fasting associated with Lent. 

Nowadays however, pancake day is more a day to traditionally stick food substances to the ceiling and/or floor.

Pancake Recipie!!!! (well I couldn't waste an opportunity to fill up space huh?)

Ingredients:

• 110g (4oz) plain flour
• 1 egg
• 300ml (1/2 pint) milk
• optional pinch of salt
• toppings!

Method:

1. To make the pancake batter, add the milk, egg and then the flour and blend using an electric blender or food processor. Or if a blender is not available, sift the flour and salt into a bowl. Add the egg and beat well. Then add the milk gradually and beat to make a smooth batter.
2.Heat a little oil in a large frying pan until hot and then pour enough batter to thinly coat the base of the pan. Cook for a couple of minutes each side. FLIP IT, AND FLIP IT PROPERLY!!!! No half-arsed flips allowed. If it didn't almost hit the ceiling it's not a true pancake.
3. Serve sprinkled with sugar and lemon juice. Alternatively drizzle with golden syrup or jam. Or spread nutella on it... or, you know what, who am I to tell you how to eat your pancakes? Melt marshmallows and stick jelly babies on it for all I care! ...Actually that could be quite tasty... *ponders*

Alternative Method:

Just buy some ready mix and follow the packet instructions. Like I'll probably be doing.

 

HOWEVER!

The more pressing matter however is that I have not decided upon anything to give up over Lent! I've considered chocolate, but as anyone who's seen my room will tell you, Nutella addiction will not allow that. 

EVIDENCE: Yes they're all empty. These are the jars I have consumed in the last month and a half. By itself. That's roughly 1950g of Nutella. I do NOT want to think about how many calories that is, other than a LOT.

Tomato ketchup? BUT WHAT THEN WILL I DIP MY CHICKEN NUGGETS AND PIZZA IN? And considering nutella, chicken nuggets and pizza make up quite a large percentage of my diet (HOW am I not grossly overweight?) this just isn't a viable option. Besides, I've already cut down my ketchup intake - a bottle now lasts me longer than a week. I guess I could give up alcohol. BAH! Who am I kidding?! ...Facebook? As much as I'm sure that quitting this would be extremely good for my degree, it's also how I keep my sanity sometimes and chat with friends/organise outings etc... so I'm gonna reject that one, despite it's good intentions. I could give up all references to, and looking at pictures of Gaspard, but then I'd like there to remain some light in my sad little life. :P 

Come, share in my happiness ^_^

Ok, so after some thought I have some ideas:

1. At least half an hour a day must be given over to exercise. Walking to and from places does not count.
2. Give up Lolcats and all affiliated sites
3. Do a good deed every day.

These I like. Exercise would certainly put me in a better mood, I waste half my life procrastinating on the Cheeseburger sites, and there's nothing wrong with a good deed a day. In fact, you know what? I'm going do them ALL. Yup, all of them. I'll report back on my progress and all my good deeds as Lent goes on. DEAL.

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Random Fact of the Day: You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV. ...but what if you're watching a horror film and keep jumping??

Random Image of the Day:

In which the author compares James Joyce to Hitler

Well, I've thinking recently... pretty much everyone, given a timemachine, would have the question of whether or not to go back and kill Hitler (personally I think he's caused too much change to now be safely killed - the world would be COMPLETELY different, and we may have learnt nothing from the atrocities that occurred). HOWEVER - the question I want to pose is who would you consider killing apart from this dictator who forever changed our associations of the Chaplin comedy mustache? I propose James Joyce.

The face of evil.

Who?  Irish modernist poet/dickhead extraordinaire, the writer of Ulysses (the dublin-set novel, not the Homer story or Tennyson poem!)

Why? If you have to ask this question then you have the envious position of never having had to read Ulysses. To give you an idea, let me quote you a few lines from a random page:

'Patrice, home on furlough, lapped warm milk with me in the bar Mac-Mahon. Son of the wild goose, Kevin Egan of Paris. My father's a bird, he lapped the sweet lait chaud with pink young tongue, plump bunny's face. Lap, lapin. He hopes to win in the gros lots. About the nature of women he read in Michelet. But he must send me La Vie de Jesus by M. Leo Taxil. Lent it to his friend.'

- Joyce, Ulysses: The 1922 text, (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2008). p.41

Starting to get the idea? It's all pretty much like that, with random bits put into play form or newspaper headings to stop me from going completely mad. Oh, and there's 732 pages of this, as well as 3 appendixes and 217 pages of explanatory notes, did I mention that?

I hear his other novels are quite good, and as much as I can understand what he was trying to do with this novel I still can't forgive him. Yes, he was trying to revolutionise literature, but he could have achieved that just as well with a short story. Yes, I can appreciate the scale and planning of the project, but REALLY? 700 odd pages of this? What kills me the most, however, is that he created this novel to be as impenetrable as possible with the explicit intent to cause as much trouble to critics and literature students as he could, so that it would take generations to work out all his random allusions. He wanted literary immortality, and went about it by writing the most headache-inducing novel possible. These atrocities were committed knowingly and purposefully by a sane man, and that's why I feel, and I'm sure many an english student would agree, that Joyce is the English students' Hitler.

There. I feel a little better now.

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Random Fact of the Day: The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet (9m)

Random Image of the Day:

In which the author undertakes a questionnaire

Wow... I'm posting a lot again. Can you tell I've got work I shouldn't be putting off? :S

Anyway, QUESTIONNAIRE!!

 ----

Do you have feelings for anyone?
Ohhh, well now that's opening up a can of worms huh? Quite an opening question.

Do you plan on moving out within the next year?
Moved out a couple of years ago, but no idea where I'm going next year yet...

Last person you told a secret to?
ummmmmmm... either Charlie or Jess... probably Charlie.

What are you listening to at the moment?
The sound of silence... wait, let me correct this... *iTunes shuffle* ...Numb by Marina and the Diamonds

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
Happily sleeping :)

Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
Long hair

If you were at reasonable age, would you prefer a baby boy or girl?
Probably a girl... think I'd understand her more than I would a boy.

What are you doing tonight?
Hopefully at some point I'll be doing work :S

How many profile views do you have?
Don't know, don't really care. I lie actually, I think it's something in the region of a pathetic 30 or something. I say I don't care to make the pain go away...

*sniff... cries... ANGST.*    :P

What do you want?
Happiness, security, my friends, a million pounds and Gaspard Ulliel. IS IT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK?!

Who knows a dark secret or two about you?
A few people... Emily, Sarah and Charlie are the main culprits. I'm not sure how 'culprits' is the right word here, but somehow it is and I'm using it anyway. So there.

Do you have any plans for the weekend?
Umm... a film, friends and last-minute work. :)

Is there someone you will never forget?
Of course. Several people :)

How are you right now?
Ok, cant complain too much... but watch me try :P

Do you currently have a hickey?
Haha...no... not sure if I should be sad or glad about that.

Are you gonna get high later?
I have better things to do with my time

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Depends on the someone. Is it Gaspard? :P ...ok, seriously, I have a problem. Let's leave off Gaspard for the rest of this post.

What are you tired of?
Essays being lazy and not doing themselves, and shit texters.

How late did you stay up last night?
Erm, not that late, about half 1?

What will you be doing in 3 hours?
Working? Please say working.

Have you ever been called heartless?
I dont think so...

Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?
Snookie? No-one I know personally. I can't hold a grudge, I forgive people WAY too easily.

Is there something right now that has you worried?
My long essay. And the fact that I'm not doing it.

How old were you when you got your first piercing?
Umm 15? I think I was 15.

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Not until you mentioned it. Great. Thanks.

Do you hate when people smoke around you?
No... Used to it now.

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Paris. I have been overtaken of late by an almost uncontrollable urge to run away for a few days, scuppered only by my endless pragmatism that points out I can't do that AND afford to live for the rest of term.

What were you doing at 4am?
Sleeping... unusual for me lately it seems.

What are you wearing?
Jeans and my stripey top that always reminds me of pirates... oh, and my rabbit socks :)

Is the last person you kissed also the next person you'll kiss?
We'll just have to see, huh?

What's a word that rhymes with DOOR?
SCORE.

Do you write notes on your hand?
Rarely. I used to do it ALL the time.

What is the last movie you watched?
Umm... wow I can't actually remember. Probably a shit horror film :)

What time did you wake up today?
11am

How much longer until your birthday?
6 months and 12 days

Pick a word that starts with the first letter of your first name:
Flaccid.

How has your health been lately?
Ok... please don't let me just have jinxed it, please don't let me just have jinxed it, please don't let me just have jinxed it...

Was the last person you hugged a male or female?
Male

Will you be dating someone in six months?
...How does someone tell that?! Oh wait, how stupid of me, let me just whip out my crystal ball! ...I see, I see... a shit question.

Have you ever thrown a shoe at someone?
Not with intent of causing injury :P

Are you one of those twilight crazy people?
Nope. It was fun to read but I happily admit it is trash fiction and has no literary value other than a sign of the interesting turn of perceptions upon the vampire tradition of the last few years.

What colour are your eyes?
Hazel

Do you have an older brother?
Nope. Je suis the OLDEST :D

Do you like hugs and kisses?
Yup yup :)

What is something you need to go shopping for?
Shampoo and conditioner... I went out shopping for them specifically earlier, came back and realised I'd managed to forget them. *bangs head against wall*

Do you have a sister?
Nopesy

Does anyone call you babe or baby?
Not unless they want a scathing look in reply... I lie, I can't do scathing. They'd get a cringe.

What does your hair look like right now?
I think it's trying to make itself straight again like it used to be when I was a kid... other than that it's ok

Where is your cell phone?
To my left :)

Did you run anywhere today?
I ran on the spot. Coz that's how I roll... or run.

Have you held hands with somebody in the past week?
Yep. Wow, is that it? That's all the questions you got? Quitter.

----

Well... that was a bit lame. I should probably go read now. By the way, To The Lighthouse is actually VERY good. :)

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 Random Fact of the Day: In ancient Rome it was considered a sign of leadership to be born with a crooked nose.

Random Image of the Day:

I have no idea what you're doing, but there's no way that alcohol is not involved in this somehow. For this, I salute you.

In which the author dedicates an entire post to the glory of her socks

Yes, you read that title right. My socks are freakin awesome, and I felt they needed celebrating. After all, socks are the underwear of the feet. That was so important I felt it needed to be in bold.

BEHOLD.

The cow socks of wonder.

The panda socks of happiness

The rabbit socks of delight

The fawn socks of irony

The emerald elephant socks of childhood memories

The unicorn and rainbow socks of GLORY

Here you see my wonderful collection of socks. In fact, I liked the last pair so much I have two pairs of them :P I have decided that the unicorn and the rainbow socks cannot be worn singularly - they must always be mismatched. Just because.
Also, I like my emerald elephants as they remind me of a terrifying cartoon film of the Wizard of Oz which I watched when I was younger, and no matter what I promised myself beforehand, when the angry army of emerald elephants came on I hid behind the sofa. Every. Fucking. Time.

DEAR GOD, NOW DO YOU SEE MOTHER??! NOW DO YOU SEE?!

Anyway, with that whim fulfilled I will now go make myself read To The Lighthouse. It can't be worse than Ulysses. Perhaps I should do a post of people through history that need to be shot other than Hitler. Hmm.

I'll leave you with a picture of all my wonderful socks lined up. Coz that's how I roll.

I roll whilst wearing these. You're jealous, I can tell.

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Random Fact of the Day: Elephants are the only mammals that can't jump. Unless they are on my feet.

Random Image of the Day:

She's thinking she needs some of my socks too.

In which the author decides to go for a bit of a YouTube linking fest

Hey all... well it's been a while since I last posted and this I attribute to a combination of being insanely busy with work and partying, and because when I did have free time I quite frankly couldn't be bothered :P

Sooooooooooooooooo... you may have a clue as to what I'm going to do with this post from the title... and if you haven't got the clue from the title then I worry for you. As I rarely have enough money to justify spending on music I tend to listen to random music on YouTube: here, for your viewing/listening pleasure, are those I believe have earnt awards...

The award for Most Adorable Song: Andrea Bocelli Sings Elmo to sleep

 

 This video literally makes me so happy. I want Bocelli to sing me to sleep every night. Elmo's "sleepy sounds" near the end are really creepy though... I think he enjoys Andrea Bocelli singing even more than me :S Despite that, it is unashamably adorable - I need to get one of his albums I think.

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Award for Best Song From An Asian Star Of Whose Work I've Never Found Another Song I Liked, But This One Happens To Be Awesome: BoA: Eat You Up

ok... so apparently YouTube isn't letting me upload some videos, so here's the link (careful,it doesn't open in another tab!)

She's apparently really famous in Korea and Japan and tried to make a go of it in America - this is, as the award suggests, her only song in english that I like... also, HAVE YOU SEEN HER DANCING SKILLS??! I in no way occasionally fanticise about suddenly busting out some moves like that to the astounded and admiring crowds at uni, and for several hot guys to come up and then announce their undying love for me, Gaspard Ulliel among them, who for some inexplicable reason was visiting Canterbury. I in no way have ever been thinking this whilst you were trying to rouse me from my vacant staring out of the bus window. Never.

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Award for Best Comedy Video That Probably Shouldn't Have Left Me A Little Awed:  Robert Webb performs What a Feeling

I'm not gonna lie, I was bored when I found this. I expected it to be the same banal drivel that most comic relief shows splurge up at this time of year. Really? What a Feeling danced by this man?

And then I watched it. Wow. First off I have to say that no man should have legs that make me envious. Next, I need to comment on the undeniable rhythm that man has... I mean... woah. And THEN the worrying good Michael Jackson moves he proceeds to bust. Robert Webb, I have newfound respect for you.

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Award for Best Fanmade Video: Tik Tok (Sherlock Holmes style)

 

 Some of you may be skeptical, but this is a seriously good video... really, REALLY well timed in places, and the giggle at the end is perfect. I prefer this to Kesha's video... also it has Robert Downey Jnr, who makes everything that much better.

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Award for Most Fever-Fuelled Nightmare Ending (And Trippyness): Ke$ha: Blow

The first time I saw this, I thought... "Wow, this is what Charlie's dreams look like". I watched in unspeakable terror as the unicorn people proceeded to dance casually, what's-his-face take off a bra, and the rainbow lazer fight. And then. And then we have the head on the wall, the laughing and the series of nightmare glances... I fought back a whimper... barely. It's horrifying.

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Award for Best Time-Old Favourite: Benny Lava

Everyone knows and loves Benny Lava. I really don't think I could pick a favourite quote. It's all my favourite quote. Also, I NEED to learn those dance moves. But most of all, and I wish this with all my heart, I want in thousands of years time, when nearly all evidence of our culture has been long lost, for future historians to come across this video. I want this to be the shining pinnacle of evidence to say we were an intelligent culture. We know what's in butter ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!!!

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Award for Weirdest Video I've Been Linked To Today: Das Beer Boot (courtesy of that paradigm of normality, Charles)

Well, this is a weird mix of hot and gross... seriously, one second I'm admiring his chiselled jawline, the next I'm repulsed by his glugging melted butter... thanks Charlie. Also, you now know what you're getting next christmas.

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Award for Video That They Clearly Had A Blast Making And Laughed Their Asses Off After Seeing The Comments When People Were Still Admitting To Crushes: 3OH!3 : Don't Trust Me

Again, another link that won't work... try here xx

Traumatic, and yet genius. Their video has inspired me as to how I want to live my life. I want people to look back on me and say: "Yes, she was a genius, the cleverest girl I've ever met, but goodness me I sure recieved a dreadful bout of Post Traumatic Stress from our brief meeting. Also, I still would."

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Award for Best Collaboration AND Best Event-Specific Song: The Lonely Island: I Just Had Sex (featuring Akon)

A work of indescribable beauty, moving beyond comprehension. "She put a bag on my head. STILL COUNTS!" Everything The Lonely Island does is beautiful. I'm currently addicted to The Creep... and I really shouldn't still like the lead singer after that.

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Random Fact of the Day: The most money ever paid for a cow at an auction was $1.3 million.

Also, because I feel like it, and because it's the theme of today, for one post only, here's the Random Video of the Day

Random Image of the Day: